Bruin Jokebook

Written by Kimiko Spengler

Photography by Dan Cook, from unsplash.com

Does anyone need an ark?

I Noah guy!

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless!

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

I’m terrified of elevators…

So I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward…

That’s just how I roll

What did the buffalo say when his son left?

Bison!

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

What couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack?

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Hell-if-I-know!

A man walks into a bar and then he says…

“Well, that hurt.”

Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, “Is it just me or is it hot in here?” and the other muffin says,

“Aaaaah...a talking muffin!”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause dinosaurs are extinct..duh...

What’s blue and not very heavy?

Light blue

Did you hear the guy who invented velcro died?

I mean...rip…

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick!

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator! 

You can’t run through a campsite…

You can only “ran” cause it’s past tents!

Boiling water…

You will be mist!

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?

Swim trunks!

Well, call me a goldfish cracker…

I’m the snack that smiles back!

What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

Put it on my bill!

A man once hit me with milk, butter, and cheese…

How dairy!

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

          Dammmmm!